Anyone who knew Robert Adsit and would like to contribute to this memorial site is welcome to.
POEMS BY TERRELL (Adsit) NEUAGE FOR ROBER ADSIT
at your last breath
to see if I could catch a glimpse
of where you were going
The air was still
birds were quieter than usual
The neighbor's dog didn't even bark at me
but looked at me knowing my feelings
Me in Australia in Fall
You in New York City in Spring
but for an instant you were here too
yet still I couldn't catch a glimpse
of where you were going
my forever gone brother.
4-08-94 Victor Harbor SA
I did away with time
so we would still be together
I did away with distance
so we would still be together
I did away with death
so we would still be together
3-27-94 Victor Harbor South Australia
My father rang from across the sea
another son
Today buried he
He said he had tears in his eyes
as he looked up to the stealing skies
Another hole in the ground
another life without sound
Wife and brothers buried before
gone off to a distant shore
My children and I all that's here
remembered
Today in my father's tears.
4-16-94 Victor Harbor SA
I want to be with you one more time
but I don't know how to
step into death
and return to life
4-17-94 Victor Harbor SA
I have the house yet to clean
the children need to be collected from school
and the dog needs his flea bath
So for now take a neighbor or two
and just leave me be."
I set the table for you.
Poured the wine.
Hoping it's red that goes with tofu.
We will have such a long talk.
Brother to brother
You will tell me about life in the Big Apple.
Oh how I envy your life.
Fast paced.
All those people.
Everyday such an adventure.
Me?
Well what can one expect living in this small town in South Australia?
The driest state on the driest continent.
See!
We live by the ocean.
We can surf at any time.
Have to watch for the sharks.
A different type of shark than you get up there in the Big Apple.
I wish I had some wine glasses.
Who in New York City would ever drink wine out of a mug?
But we are not fancy here.
I can't wait until my brother sees the boys.
They have grown so big since last we were in the Big Apple in 1992.
I was just telling the boys the other day
how surprised Uncle Robert will be to see them.
But it is almost time for the school bus.
I better put away the wine and the table settings
before the children see I was pretending again
that you were coming to visit us even though I know you died so far away and all alone up there
in the Big Apple five long months more than I can cope with.
8-14-94 Victor Harbor South Australia
Everyone was there
my mom who put me up for adoption
my mom who raised my then died
my brother who was my favourite human
my girl friend who killed herself
my girl friend who society killed
my friend killed in Nam
my master teacher who died of a brain tumor
my master teacher who killed herself
We shared a glass of liquid light
talked about the old days
and how strange it was
that I was still alive
when the plan had always been
that I would go first
and meet all them
after I had set the table
for this our final meal together.
8-2-94 Victor Harbor South Australia
I began to speak with you to tell you
my wishes, hopes and what has happened
since last I saw you
Then I remembered you had died
But I could not believe it when you stood
before my mind saying that the love
you had give me was my sustenance until I became
one with you once again
in the one world you now know.
All my dead family and friends keep asking me
for favors
Last night one of my dead girl friends
asked me to feed her dead cat.
8-25-94 Victor Harbor South Australia
BROTHERS
Deep in my memory where we still play in childhood
We act out all that we will be when we grow up
Of course we will be famous:
You the artist, musician, actor
Me:
writer, lover.
We will have mansions and limousines, Lear jets.
We will be on the news, in magazines, and in the gossip columns.
We will visit one another on occasion to say how famous
we are and how far we have gone since childhood
when we were so poor and pretended we were rich and successful.
But then I emerge from deep in my mind
We are no longer children.
You are no longer alive.
And I am middle-aged living in a foreign land with not enough money
for my houseful of children that I am raising on my own.
Who right now are talking about how great life will be
when they grow up and are famous.
My 10 year old is pitching a no-hitter for the Yankees in the World Series
and is receiving millions of dollars a year.
My 13-year-old is a rap artist doing graffiti and playing basketball for some out-lawed team.
The 14-year-old who lives with us is rich and famous - it doesn't matter at what.
And on the cycle goes.
New memories of what it will be like being created deep inside of young minds all over again.
9-06-94 Victor Harbor South Australia
I was looking at what I wrote you
after you died
seven years ago.
i remember that day
I told my, then, ten-year-old
whilst shooting baskets in the backyard after drinking
a cast of wine
that brothers are forever
but that you have gone forever no loner seems so important.
Since that time so seemingly long ago and far away
I have watched my children grow to teenagers:
one heading off to New York in just another month to play baseball
the other living on the other side of Australia
doing graffiti and hip hop shows
What has changed?
in this world of the physical there are always changes
ask the folks of ancient Greece
the cave people
the first to speak
the first to crawl upon the land
we live to change
we change to live
it is so sad you could not change to live
and that the rest of us who are still here could
but what is life?
Do you have more life than I do now?
Every day I think of you and remember all the things I would have said if I had the chance to say them now then.
but basically as I am sure you are aware - life sucks - except for the Internet - that is a bit cool, and I know you would have had a great time with it - even e-mailed me more often than the once-a-decade letter you sent during the last thirty years of your life.
Deconstructed post this post that life that we live
a planet full of broken memories
everyone so full of post-shit - not taking the Aquarian experience in its stride
But I do
talking to myself
another senile old man waiting for the train in the rain talking to his brother.
see ya soon bro.
May 24, 2000 Adelaide South Australia