New Poem to Chris Friday, February 28, 2003 albany New York - http://www.restlessdancer.com/chris_noble.htm
This
week’s poem (Friday, February 23, 2001) of the week is HERE Do
not read below it is reserved for a future time which accesses this moment as
history
So
late
No
way to return
Hastened
escape
beyond
We
never said goodbye
There
was no kiss goodbye
Never
slammed the door goodbye
Wasn’t
any ‘I don’t want to see you again’
Or
break up
(your
last whisper as we sat at the shore where we had met years earlier
were
‘I love you
I
don’t want to break up
I
just need some space’
November
15, 2000 as the Sun slipped into the sea and we passed out of one another’s
life)
We
just faded
You
in the distance
Me
even further
I
thought I would see you in a few days
Then
I realized I was the only one waiting for us
These
months just went by
You
in your neighboring suburb
Me
lost in space
And
though
I
can never go back to us
Because
we no longer exist
At
least I know now
(Now so long too late so faraway too much has happened since we last
kissed)
That
for one short span of time I did love once fully
That
I will love you forever in my distant silence and faded shadow’s
memories
And
maybe in some future existence
Some
distant place in space
Far
beyond earthly logic
We
will merge once again
And
recall the short rapid magical years
We
spent on earth together
In
this lonely imprisoned solar system
And
our laughter – it will echo through galaxies
Past
many Big Banged created Universes and other limited time
frames
Whilst
a spark of our once shared love
Fills
a void
In
the fold of time to become a lone star
A
pulsar so distant only we will know we exist
Wandering
Through
eternity
Universe
to universe
Happy
Like
we would have been
If
only we knew how to stay together whilst in this life.
So
goodbye Kris (Kris, Kris, Kris)
This
is my closure for a love that I could no longer hold on
to
Closure
because we never broke up or said goodbye but we just
vanished
I
can only say goodbye to you in my memory.
Thursday,
February 22, 2001 17:42:58
(Was
it Transit Uranus conjunct your Venus, opposite my Sun: T. Pluto square your
Saturn: T. Saturn conjunct both our Moons: Solar Progressed Uranus conjunct my
Sun or some remote midpoint being set off or did we just get to the end of our
learning together? Did an asteroid hack into our composite chart or did the last
solar eclipse demolish our First Meeting Chart. If so why do I still feel after
all these months that a part of my body has been
amputated?)
Maybe
we both just wanted too much from each other and then ended up with nothing –
how does that happen?
Sometimes
I catch myself staring and don’t know at what or why… then I see you and
everything just ends. Like a dying
decayed dwarf star.
Just
thought I would say that….
Thanks
for being the source of so many picture poems and poems of
the week
At
least I got something out of the past years to hold onto. Sometimes I look through notebooks – at
the 2000 plus poems I wrote you our first three-years together and wonder if I
will ever be so obsessive again. If
I will ever be so creative, laugh so much, love so freely, feel so fulfilled,
dream so easy…
And
we met with you reading my picture-poems whilst they were on display in Glenelg
January First 1995 and here I am saying goodbye to you. You who hates the
Internet and would never read this anyway on the Internet at the beginning of
2001.
Then
again maybe I am just missing the us because my life has changed so much in the
past couple of months I hardly recognize myself and I am a bit wobbly going into
my newness – I feel as if I have just arrived on a distant planet with nothing
as I once knew it and it would be so nice to take comfort in the once security I
knew with you, but then I wouldn’t change would I? And it is important though
not easy to embark on a life where nothing is familiar – I am but an insecure
explorer standing at the Arctic Circle in so much ice and cold. I wonder if six
years from now we will meet and I will say the past six years were shit compared
to the previous six years. But then I no longer will be me in six years so you
wouldn’t recognize me anyway giving nothing to compare to. Just as when I first
made contact with you on New Year’s Day as the last rays of the day shown on my
picture-poems I knew my life had changed I now know with the last contact I had
with you on that Wednesday evening my life once again has changed. And 35 years
of astrological knowledge cannot explain to me what
happened.
Aloha
friend lover all the world to me.
Thank
you for all you have given to me. I do realize you were the one who kept us
together through so much difficulty and I just went abstract so much of the time
and I understand you no longer had the strength/resolve/will to keep me from
falling off the edge. Though in my defense these have been remarkable years on
this planet as we too got caught up in the delusions of a world stumbling from
what they perceived as one millennium to the next though between you and me we
just stumbled – the only difference between this millennium and the last is that
I am without you. And my problem is that even though I am no longer me the new
me still loves the old you – not that you are old. ‘NEW SITE = JULY 2014 - http://neuage.us/2014/July/ - Today is the first day of
the rest of my life without you’ what a terrible
thought.
Why
is it
When
I dance
On
your
Roof
At
midnight
You
have dreams
That
We
are
Making
love
In
the rain?
©
Terrell Neuage 1997 Adelaide SA
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