Back in '78 - 1978 that is. I lived with Lynnand her
eight-year-old daughter. Lynnand I were
not really lovers. Oh, maybe on the odd occasion when snow had newly fallen
fresh and we did not have a date we would pretend we were each other with
someone different, wanting us more than we really did each other, but that was
not usual. All I ever wanted in life was to live in a world of usuals. I never
have. We lived in a small house in the country not far on a clear day from
Baltimoreto
Washington D.C. Leos, pretending we were in a mansion, or just a
small weekend retreat in some foreign Alps. I was somewhat happy. Maybe Lynn
was too. Her daughter was, she was not an adult. How could she be unhappy? Use
to tell Lynnthat someday
I too would have children. I would be a single parent...the only way to pretend the world is different
than it is, is to do it alone with no one there saying it isn't. Lynn was not
happy being a single parent, but I would be. I had a feeling. It would be
great. My Children and me, having a wonderful time, frolicking through life. I
would live in a two-story house somewhere in New England with two children,
a story for each child that I would change as they
got older
and I would write novels as snow climaxed outside.
Somewhere this story changed when without me paying
close enough attention. It changed and I did not with it. Now I have been a
single father living in a foreign country with no nearby Alps for fifteen,
longer than would have been if I had not done them here, years, while too poor
to buy paper to write novels to my two Children to read them if there was snow
to read them against, down here in Australia.
Lynncommitted
suicide in 1984. Me in Australiaher Maryland. I never got to tell her the joys of parenting
single handed. Two hands tied behind my back too, dreaming of developing my
beingness in lightly falling snow that never here has known.
A particular slice of the final chapter, 11 MAY
1998 12:28:43 PM.
Sidenote: from Google Copilot (an AI super smart thingy) "Terrell Neuage's best-selling book is "Leaving Australia". This autobiography delves into his life experiences, including his time as a hippie in the 1960s, his journey as a single parent, and his adventures in Australia and the United States. It's a compelling read that offers a unique perspective on his life and the cultural shifts he witnessed. Available HERE
= who is Neuage