CONTACT terrell@neuage.org

42. PART 3 - DREAM'S END - (40B) "I hope you are still breathing."

 

2003 looked like a great year for Leigh. He had played the Southern Summer months (December and January) in Adelaide and I followed his weekly stats on the Internet. Some weeks of course like in any sport were better than others. I saved only three of the news items, which is too bad as the write-ups are no longer on the Internet. Leigh played for Southern Districts, the same club he had always played for. I had been concerned that he would leave them and play for another team in the Adelaide area because several other teams had offered him money to play for them and Southern Districts could not afford to. I had said to Leigh a couple of years earlier that he should stay with the same team he had always been with as they gave him his start. Even though we had almost no communication for the past couple of years I like to believe that he had taken my advice and stayed with a team that got him to where he was and not switch to a team he had not played for. Teams who had not done anything for him in the past but who would offer him money now.

 

January 2003

 

Leigh Neuage picked up the win with five innings of work, giving up three hits for seven strike outs in a game between Goodwood and Southern Districts in Adelaide“.
26 January, 2003 (Australia Day)


2003 Australian National Baseball Championships - Blacktown Olympic Park in Sydney


“ Neuage came on for SA to try and shut down NSW in the bottom of the tenth but walked the leadoff batter, Trent Oeltjen. Oeltjen advanced to second on a wild pitch. After two blistering fouls smashed into the SA dugout by Rod Van Buisen, SA trainer, Alan Waldron waved a white flag in reply. Van Buisen grounded out sending Oeltjen to third. Tunkin walked and Kingman got to first on a bad throw sending Tunkin to third and scoring Oeltjen, making the scores level 6-6. Neuage walked pinch hitter Jason Pospishil, loading the bases for Glenn Williams. Neuage hit Williams to force the winning run in. Final score, NSW 7, SA 6”.
(Note NSW is New South Wales and SA is South Australia)


February 23 2003 Southern Districts


Three pitchers steered the Hawks to victory. Leigh Neuage started and threw three digs for two hits and four K2's, Dylon Martin had the same stats for the win, while Adam Widdison threw the game's final three frames for six hit and five strike outs.


In 2003 at the beginning of the baseball year Leigh went to Spring Training at Vero Beach Florida then on to the Waves in April for the baseball season. The team moved from the previous year’s place at Albany Georgia to Columbus Ohio for the 2003 season. Maybe that was an omen; I was to be the last one left in Albany. Albany of any state. But what are omens anyway? Whatever we attach meaning to becomes our reality.


The summer of 2002 in Adelaide (winter of 2002-2003 in New York) was the first time I was not in Adelaide for Christmas when Leigh was there. We were both in Adelaide for Christmas 2001 but we did not see each other. Sacha was in Melbourne and neither of us had enough money to go to where the other was. It seemed to me at the time that both my sons were with girlfriends and spending Christmas with me probably was not high on their list at the time. That was my first Christmas without Leigh but I knew he was nearby and living on Anzac highway in Glenelg Leigh Neuage Christmas Stocking next to my desk for past 22 yearsthough I did not know where or what his phone number was. Even though I spent that Christmas alone, with Narda in India, I hung the boy’s stockings.  I hung stockings for Sacha and Leigh in our home in New York for Christmas 2002 and sent them emails saying I missed being with them for our first Christmas in different parts of the world. It had been a tradition in whatever place I would spend Christmas to hang Sacha’s and Leigh’s Christmas stockings together. We had gotten the stockings at Macy’s department store, New York City, in 1985. Leigh was two and a half years old and Sacha four. The stockings were traditional red with their names embroidered on them. Sacha was not with us for Christmases of 1998-2001 but his stocking got hung anyway. This past Christmas with Sacha spending the month with us in Round Lake New York I put up Sacha’s stocking but Leigh’s I kept hanging over my desk upstairs. I even had told him that because he had decided not to spend Christmas with us this year that his stocking for the first time since 1985 would not be hanging near our Leigh's Christmas stockingChristmas tree next to Sacha’s. Whether he cared or listened or maybe even responded in some way I do not know. After Sacha left to go back to Australia after a two-week visit in Round Lake, New York, on his birthday, January 04, 2004 I moved the tree – a living Christmas that it is – to another room. I took off all the Christmas ornaments and hung the two stockings on the wall behind them. 


I tried to keep track of Leigh’s career.


disabled list


South Georgia Waves (A)

01/20/03

Leigh Neuage -- Addendum

05/16/03

Leigh Neuage -- Placed on the Disabled List.

05/28/03

Leigh Neuage -- Reinstated from Disabled List.

06/09/03

Leigh Neuage -- Placed on the Disabled List.

08/14/03

Leigh Neuage -- Reinstated from Disabled List.

 

Leigh Neuage -- Placed on Suspended List.

08/15/03

Leigh Neuage -- Reinstated from Suspended List.

 

As of September 12th Leigh was still listed on the Waves Roster.

 


Posted: Friday, 12-Sep-2003 2:01AM PDT   #South Georgia Waves Roster#

PITCHERS

Throws

Height

Weight

Born

1st Year

Resides

 

Saturday, April 12, 2003

 

The series continues today at 7 p.m., with Scott Autrey (0-0, 0.00 ERA) scheduled to pitch for Charleston (3-3) against South Georgia's Leigh Neuage (0-0, 2.25).
Sunday, April 13, 2003


Jason Pridie led off the game with a single and scored on Harrison's first hit, a one-out single against South Georgia starter Leigh Neuage (0-1). (There was no box score for this game)


5/13/03 > I see Leigh is pitching tonight and it will be online if you want to listen to it. I listened to their broadcast last night and it is quite good. (Email to my sister Sue)
> http://www.captainsbaseball.com/index.html


Lake County 7, South Georgia 1


South Georgia

IP

H

R

ER

BB

SO

HR

ERA

L. Neuage (L,1-3)

1.0

2

3

3

4

1

1

6.38

Cooper came home after Waves starter Leigh Neuage (1-3) issued back-to-back-to-back walks to force in a run and make it 2-0


April 28, 2003 BLUECLAWS FALL 10-2 TO SOUTH GEORGIA After two strikeouts by Waves starting pitcher Leigh  Neuage , Chad Oliva and Ryan Barthelemy came up with two out RBI singles to move the BlueClaws within two, 4-2. Oliva had a 3-for-4 game.


May, May 28, 2003  (the day Leigh  was taken off of the disabled list)
Leigh Neuage took the loss for South Georgia, allowing four runs on seven hits in six innings.

 

June 02, 2003

 

Leigh pitched against Rome Braves the 2003 South Atlantic League Champions and lost whilst pitcheing five innings getting nine hits giving up five earned runs walking one and striking out six.


 06/02 AT SOUTH GEORGIA  RHP LEIGH NEUAGE spun seven scoreless innings (5 H, 1 BB, 5 SO) in a no-decision against the Greenjackets
email from Leigh  – I was in Adelaide and he was in Florida  Thu 6/26/2003 1:03 AM


What's up? I'm writing because I still need to buy a new car when I get back home and need that money, I remember you saying you couldn't get it until June or something.

 

How's grandpa? my season's gone pretty awful so far....sure you've noticed. 

Leigh ’s final emails to friends

 


 April 23rd 2003  07:39:44 AM
 x

 

Hehehehe Is that his name...Hello Leigh...Veronica was hot last night but she looked like she was 30 apparently in the eyes of some young %$&#(heds   hehe

 April 23rd 2003  07:38:12 AM
 V

Hmm...he's reading all this right now...hello Leigh hehehe im goin chickie....i'll speak to u soonish luv luv V

 April 23rd 2003 07:35:45 AM
 x

im discc...I'll catcha soonsay ello to ya man 4 me

 April 23rd 2003  07:34:53 AM
 V

Ur mean 19 baby 19....i'll email ya when i get around to another gig....keep in tuch  i like smileys

 April 23rd 2003  07:32:02 AM
 x

okay babe...yeah i second the fact you look 30 ish... You can be a milf...haha just jokes
i'll email ya you were awesome last night seriously take it from me

 April 23rd 2003  07:29:55 AM
 V

hello...sorry, my man is calling...
Yeah chickie i have to get FRESH sorted out...Ive got so much work to do....the number of people i have to send my stuff to..its fun
neways i have to go soon.....my bubby wants me hehehe

Series of emails in Leigh’s Hotmail account I saw in late 1993 after his friend Amy told me his email password. ‘V’ is his girlfriend Veronica. ‘X’ is someone else.

 

 

April 23rd 2003  07:43:43 PM Leigh 
Mars 
(I use to tell Leigh he was from Mars when he was little and he used it as his ‘where I am’ address in his email.)

 

 

You're the bomb When's the album coming out?

 

 

 April 23rd 2003  07:48:52 AM
 V

 

 

heeh it means IM 30 grrrr...how could i look 30...what an insult anyways i should cruise, my other half's goin crazy

 

 

 April 23rd 2003  07:46:59 AM
x

 

 

hehehe what does it mean>??

 

 April 23rd 2003  07:45:45 AM
 V

thats Leigh paying me out.... nobody luvs me

 

 

 

 

 

 

By my birthday, August 10th, I was getting concerned having had a negative exchange with Leigh I wrote the Dodgers to try and find out what was going on with him. At this time I did not know whether he was in Florida in rehab or in Georgia with the Waves.

 


>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>From: "Terrell Neuage"
>To: info@sgwaves.com
>Sent: Sun, 10 Aug 2003 -0400 (EDT) 21:24:11
>hi
>I have noticed that Leigh Neuage has not played for a few months – could you tell if he is still on the team and whether he will be playing anymore this year.

Sent: Mon 8/11/2003 8:54 AM
Terrell,
Leigh Neuage is currently rehabing at the Dodgers rehab facilities in Vero Beach, FL. I am not sure how long the process will take Leigh, but he will remain on our roster for the time being. Thanks for your interest and wish him luck
Megan Thomas
Director of Media and Public Relations
South Georgia Waves

  email to South Georgia Waves

 

Below is a series of Emails between friends of Leigh’s that knew him in Vero Beach, Amy and his friend Peter in Adelaide. Now in May 2015 Amy and are Facebook friends.
> >From: "Amy 

> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 
> >Date: Thu, 31 Jul 2003 07:21:11 -0400

>I hope you are still breathing.

> :) I'm ok Amy
> What have you been up to?

 

> I checked out the bus, it goes from Vero to Melbourne a few times a day and is like $10

hope you're doing good

 

From what I have been able to find going through Leigh’s computer his last email was August 09, 2003.
From: "Leigh Neuage"

To: peter
Date: Sat, 09 Aug 2003 05:10:50 +0000  
WAZZUP?@#?@  
is this your email? 
dyke ass? 

From: "Peter…”
Tuesday, August 12, 2003 4:03 PM
yes....yes it is :|
yo whts up bitch
hihi i just got a house gonna move in this week end

 

From: "Peter…” 
Thursday, August 14, 2003 7:49 PM
fat bitch
write more e-mails

 

i saw veroica on tv and then u and her picture was on a magazine the next day
swhere the fuck are u by the way?????
fuckin answer back mother fucker

Series of emails from 17 August to mid-September when Amy discovered what happened when she saw my webpage.       

> >From: "Amy   
> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 

> >Date: Sunday, August 17, 2003 7:35 PM
How are you?
 Just wondering how life has been treating you...
Amy

 

> >From: "Amy 

> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 

>Date: Sunday, August 24, 2003 12:28 AM
Leigh -
Where have you been?
Is everything ok?
Amy

 

> >From: "Amy 

> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 

>Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 8:34 PM
Leigh,
Where are you?  Are you even here anymore?  I haven't heard from you in a long time. What's up?
Just started school.
Amy

 

> >From: "Amy 

> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 

> >Date: Thursday, September 11, 2003 2:22 AM
Leigh,
Are you mad at me? Why are you not responding to my e-mails?
Amy

 

> >From: "Amy 

> >To: "Leigh Neuage" 

>Date: Thursday, September 18, 2003 3:11 AM
Are you no longer speaking to me?
Amy

 

 

At about nine- thirty am Saturday August 16 I took Narda’s parent’s van and drove off to my doctor. I was having several blood tests to see how my body was functioning. My doctor had thought maybe I should have some blood sugar tests done. I cannot remember exactly what the tests were for because a few hours later whatever was going on with my body would no longer be of any concern. Even now, five-weeks later, I no longer care that I have hepatitis C; it is just so insignificant in the scheme of things. But then everything is insignificant now. I use to be concerned about the environment, America’s aggressive move into Iraq, global warming, the US government’s involvement with 911 and on and on and now I don’t even watch the news or read the newspaper or look up my favourite conspiracy sites on the Internet, it just does not seem so significant anymore.

 

My doctor’s appointment lasted until noon. I had to fast since midnight the night before and have a blood test and then drink some sweet soda and wait in the waiting room for two-hours to have another test. It was a good time in my life. Narda and I were leaving in two days on Monday for Hawaii. We had four days booked in to Waikiki and then Chicago for two-days and back in Clifton Park or was it Halfmoon? for a week before we would begin working. I would be starting at a new school; Adjunct Professor, Russell Sage College Troy, New York, part-time to go along with my part-time teaching at the State University of Albany.

 


This section I wrote when back in Round Lake, New York in September 2003.

 

I reflected on our trip to Australia and thought of the cities we had visited: Seoul, Amsterdam, Utrecht, Hamburg and Hong Kong. What a wonderful life we were living. And just the week before we bought our return tickets for next June. We are stopping in Ireland for a week then Amsterdam for four days and Hong Kong for a week. Whilst at our Hong Kong stop we have planned to go to Viet Nam for a few days and to China. Yes we definitely were living a pretty good life. Surely I would finish my PhD sometime during the upcoming year. The plan was that I would finish in about September – my supervisor believed this was doable – and it would go to the examiners and hopefully it would be passed before December 2003. I would fly to Adelaide to graduate April 2004. We would just go over for a few days and I would have Sacha come over from Melbourne and Leigh from wherever he was playing baseball in the States. My sons have been a part of this thesis as I started when we lived in Hackham in March 1998. Leigh was fourteen at the time and we were working flat out to get him on the Australian under-14 team. Sacha was seventeen and we were working on keeping him in school and happy. I was at the beginning of my third-year into my relationship with Kris. It was a very exciting time and the future looked great. The future looked great whilst sitting in my doctor’s office too. I left at noon and drove to the place I was using for my office at the Magill Campus of the University of South Australia. As I parked, Narda and her father pulled up at the same time.  


Narda put her arms around me and said;


“Leigh is dead”.


Even twelve years later I do not recall what I felt at the end of that sentence.  It was a moment that stopped and had nothing in it. I imagine this is what it would feel like to be in outer space. The moment when one takes off their space suit helmet and everything goes blank, numb. It is what one experiences at death. Falling. Voids. Not just one but multiple voids and being in the void in-between voids. Life in the womb before birth before experience before joys and tragedy. Before. I was not sure where I was. Was the street still beneath me?

 

Did Narda say something to me? Lucid dreaming?


Sacha had rung Narda to speak with me. The Sydney police had rung him first. Why was Leigh in Sydney? A few days ago he was sending email’s from Vero Beach Florida.
Narda did not have any details except that we had to go to Sydney. She made the arrangements and we bought Sacha a ticket from Melbourne and within a few hours we were at the police station with me identifying a body that was my son. We went to the Hotel Novotel Sydney Olympic Park, http://www.novotelsydneyolympicpark.com.au/, with a policeman to meet with Leigh’s girlfriend Veronica to try and discover what had happened.


The below narrative was at http://au.australianidol.yahoo.com/contestants/veronica_stewart/ (This site has not been online for years and the above was copied from the original site in 2003)


Veronica still lives at home with mum and dad and is the oldest of three girls. She is a hero to her little brother, Josh, who is six, because she is just such a real person with no hang-ups.


Veronica came to Australia from Manila when she was thirteen years old and found the transition from one country to another fairly interesting. For example, at her very strict Catholic school in Manila, her day started at 6.30 am. In Adelaide, her schooling day didn’t begin until 9.00 am. It was bliss. The rules more lenient and the people were generally more relaxed and affable.


In Manila, Veronica began singing at the age of five at school and took part in any musical production which was on offer – if there was singing involved, she was in it. Her mother was very supportive and was always on hand to get little Veronica out of bed at the crack of dawn to take her to singing, acting, dancing and piano lessons. She has grown up listening to a range of music and cites Christina Aguilera as one of her favourite performers because of her raw in-your-face style. Other influences are Toni Braxton and Tina Turner. Veronica favours songs which are not only powerful and emotional but upbeat and fun.
Two years ago, Veronica flicked the idea of going to University in favour of pursuing a singing career, but one day would still like to study psychology and world history. She describes herself as being a strong character, but can sometimes hide behind her smile. This was never more evident when she was diagnosed with depression at the age of fifteen, when she was still in school.


None of the treatments seemed to work so one day, she literally woke up and said “That’s it. It’s time to be happy.” With the support of family and friends (and Kids Helpline), Veronica believes she has conquered her depression and would like the opportunity one day to help others to get through it. Song writing was also instrumental in getting her through this period in her life. 
The first group in the Semi-finals of Australian Idol performed Sunday August 10 at 7:30 pm
Veronica: "I Want To Know What Love Is"


The eight contestants then have a nervous 24-hour wait to see how Australia voted. Tune in tomorrow from 7:30 pm to see what who will progress to the finals and who will be told that they are heading home.


Posted - 25 Aug 2003 :  11:40:39 PM (this was on MySpace - it no longer exists)


Contestant Veronica… 19, remains in shock after Leigh Neuage, 20, fell 15 storeys to his death at the Homebush Bay Novotel in Sydney's west. Basically they were a couple and Leigh jumped about 5 days after Veronica got axed from the top 40. They were a couple once but obviously they broke up. Leigh was a baseballer, cops are looking into the fall but do not believe it to be suspicious.

 

'Idol' star shocked by death

 

see the previous page https://neuage.org/leaving_australia/41.html for the news articles of this


By Ros Reines and Rhett Watson


The Sunday Mail 24 August 2003


© Queensland Newspapers

A  FINAL effort to rekindle a relationship with an ex-girlfriend who was a  semi-finalist on television's Australian Idol has ended  
with the death of a promising baseballer.
Contestant  Veronica Stewart, 19,  remains in shock after Leigh Neuage, 20, fell 15 storeys to his death at the Homebush Bay Novotel in Sydney's west. 
And the incident has rocked the top rating  Channel 10 show. 
An Olympic Park groundsman found Mr Neuage's body about 5am last Saturday and notified police. 
Mr Neuage, originally from South Australia, had flown in from the US where he was an  up-and-coming baseballer signed 
to the Los Angeles Dodgers' minor league team since 2001. 
He played on the Australian junior  baseball team between  1997 and 2001, during which time he toured the US and South Africa. 
Ms Stewart was  eliminated from Australian Idol in the first  semi-final on August 11 -- five days before Mr Neuage's death. 
They had been a couple, but broke up  recently. 
The pair had grown up in neighbouring suburbs  - Christies Beach and Hallett  Cove - about one  hour north of Adelaide. 
Detectives are investigating the fatal fall,  but do not believe it to be suspicious. 
   A  spokesman said no other details could be released because a report was being  prepared for the coroner. 
   Mr  Neuage's mother yesterday said she  did not want to comment on the circumstances surrounding her son's death until  they had been presented to the coroner. 
   "My  son has died and there's an investigation going on," she said. 
   "There's  been a really tragic accident to a promising athlete and there's nothing more I  can say." 
   His  father, Terrell, posted a memorial on the  Internet, including a poem and his  son's baseball card, which pictures him in his Dodgers uniform. 
   "I  will always love you, whatever you are doing, on whatever plane you are,"  the poem read. 
   "You  are back to where you started. This world was only ever just a stop along the  way. 
   "I  am with you always. Your Father." 
   Wally  Marks, Mr Neuage's former  baseball coach at the South Australian Institute of Sport, said the pitcher had  
dreams of playing in the Major League in the US. 
   "He  showed a lot of potential. He had a good work ethic and was a great kid,"  he said. 
   Ms  Stewart moved to Australia from Malaysia when 13 and has been singing  since the age of five. 
   Her  biography on Australian Idol said she was  diagnosed with depression at the age of 15 and believed she conquered it with  the support of 
friends and family as well as songwriting. 
   A  spokesman for Channel 10, which screens Australian Idol, declined to  comment on the death. 
   A  spokeswoman for Novotel would not say  whether Mr Neuage was a guest or visiting Ms Stewart at the hotel. 
   There  was a clamp down on all communication in the hotel's complex with staff in a  nearby pub told not to speak to the media. 

 

Last meal Sydney HarborLast meal Sydney Harbor


11/30/03 8:27 AM


The last times I saw anything online to do with Veronica were in 2004 and in 2009. I have never looked here up again.
 Veronica is a 20yo Pisces, comes from Australia, wants to share a flat and is looking to stay 6 mths or more. Occupation: singer


I saw her webpage in June 2009. I never looked again. She is a voice teacher and married in Sydney. I wonder if she ever thinks about when my son died. I never did like her and think it sucks how she moved on in life and Leigh did not. I see her now, on the web, and can really only remember who she was a decade ago. I cannot imagine that she is twelve years older than when I last saw her in Sydney at Leigh’s funeral. I can only think that Leigh should be twelve years older now.

 

In about 2023-2024Veronica tried to friend me on Facebook but I declined and blocked her. Don't know why. Just can't communicate with her feeling she should have notified me that Leigh was in Sydney and that he was stressed.

 

last view Leigh Neuage had – 15th floor
last view Leigh Neuage  had – 15th floor


Leigh did try ways to heal himself.


In his favourites folder on his hard drive in June, two months before leaving the planet he was trying to do something about his life with Chios Energy Healing; Chios Level I http://www.chioshealing.com/. He was going to ‘Depression Forums’ the day he left Florida for Sydney and he was trying to get Prozac. He went to a site;

 

‘What’s the best way to kill urself’ a week before he killed himself.  He was following the Australian Idol news too tracking his girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

Leigh's favourite links on his computer
Leigh's favourite links on his computer

 

We have finally gotten the house finished at 13 Second Street, Round Lake, New York (September 2003). Of course we never know when we do something the real reason we do it. There is this constant movie and the script is revealed page by page though sometimes it seems we only get our line word by word. I never wanted to be in this situation to have these feelings. The whole reason for writing this has changed so drastically. When I started, back in Germany on July 6th 2003 I was writing to my children what I went through to get them where they are at now with their thinking and behaviour. It was only after I thought about the starting of this story – after that tragic event – that I realized that I began writing this on Leigh’s birthday. It was not intentional but then so much of life is not intentional. It is just the way it happened. What happened to me happens to a lot of people I suppose but that does not give me any comfort. I watch the news on television and so much of the world is in mourning especially with the wars in Africa and the Middle East and refugees drowning trying to get to safety. But in each of our worlds we too are refugees. I am not comparing my trials and tribulations with those who have a much worse life. I am comparing my life within my life and separating the dark from the light. I did not want this to happen in my life and there is nothing I could do to prevent it. I joined parents of suicide children group on the Internet but I have not posted anything. I have read a few of the posts from other parents. A father yesterday told how his son broke up with his wife and they got back together but he hung himself anyway – he was 20 years old too. And here I am finally set up to write this story here in this house in Round Lake, New York.


Round Lake is a small village in upstate New York. It began as a town in the mid-1800s. My father tells us the story often. There was a group of people who thought some Methodist summer revival camp was so successful in Maine that the Troy, New York branch of camp Methodists decided to copy it in their district.  In those days there was a trolley that went from Troy to Saratoga Springs some thirty or so miles. Before Saratoga there was Round Lake. The committee of camp Methodists got off at Round Lake. At that time there were no homes but just the lake. The committee bought the land across from the lake and that summer they put up a large tent and that was the beginning of the Methodist revival meetings.

 

It is almost easy to write the events as they happen in life but it is the day-to-day emotional feelings that are difficult to write down. I can remove myself from myself and tell someone that my son died. ‘Last August my son died. He fell off of his fifteenth story balcony of the hotel he was staying in. He was a pitcher for the LA Dodgers and was twenty years old.’ It is a narration, words that have so much meaning but at the same time said in a reportage manner. I often wonder what a person is really thinking when I tell them this. Of course they always say they are sorry but what do they think beyond that. No one will ever know why or how my son died.  I understand the situation, that he had a fight with his girlfriend and hours latter was found at the bottom of his balcony. But what went on in his mind the day before or the week before? We can say that we do not know when we will die – that death is a thief in the night or it can come when we are not expecting it. I use to think that but now there is this new element to when death comes. ‘Death arrives to our life when we decided that we no longer want to a part of this life’. I can know when I will die. Leigh may have known when he was going to die. He could have decided when he was in Florida at the beginning of August that he would die on the sixteenth.


There is the nagging question of whether our life is programmed to end at a certain time:


Leigh’s lifeline in his hand ended halfway down his palm and it use to bother me but as he got older I forgot about it.


August 16, 2003. Leigh had just turned twenty a month earlier.


When Leigh hit the pavement at 4.30 AM there was 13 degrees of Cancer on the ascendant for that moment in Sydney and his birth sun is at 13 degrees Cancer. The rising sign is the external self what we show to the world and the Sun represents our inner Self, and having the two meet at the time of leaving this world seems quite amazing. Everyday though, there is a moment when there is 13 degrees of Cancer on the Ascendant so it is not an extraordinary event on its own so every day there would be a moment when a person’s sun sign and the rising sign for that moment would be in sync, but to have your life end at the same degree and sign as it began is not what I would have expected. Someday maybe I will do a research project and see if there is any correlation between one’s sun sign and the rising sign and degree at the moment of death.

 

In astrology we look at progressions in our charts for major changes in our lives. Whether is secondary progressions or solar arc progressions one of these methods should show this event, but neither really does. There are transits such as transit Saturn sitting on Leigh’s Mercury and Leigh had been responding to several Saturn aspects but they are not indicative of death. No aspect is so set to give such a definite. There is always choice I believed and Saturn is just a testing planet.

 

Leigh  Solar Progressed to
Within one degree

Leigh

Aspect

Terrell

Sun

Conj

MH

Mer

Sex

Moon

Moon

Sex

Mer

Mer

Sq

Asc

Sat

Sq

Sun

Sat

Sq

Jup

Uran

Opp

Mars

Nep

Quinc

Sun

Plu

Sq

Sun

Leigh ’s Solar Progressed within one degree of me


From Leigh’s letter – and seeing Peter. I found this on his computer. He emailed this to Veronica a couple of days before he died. Some of the letter refers to events in his life at the start of 2003, January 2003 – six months before he would die.


I WANTED to die that night. I really really did. My plan was to take you to the hospital and then go back and do it again. And die. Alone. Because I stayed with you, because you came home with me and because we talked, it saved me. Saved both of us maybe? The thing that worries me is during that time, it seemed so acceptable to me. It wasn’t like I was a complete wreck about it. I was….about us….but once I had done that, it just felt so fine. It made me again believe that it is inevitable that one day I will kill myself. Peter freaked out and called the ambulance when he saw me crying my ass off. We went downstairs and I sat against the building. The ambulance took like 30 minutes. Peter was freaking out. I sat and made jokes about it. I had written a tiny note and made sure that Peter would give it to you. I chilled against the wall the whole time. I didn’t have a care in the world. I felt like I was about to start a great adventure. I watched as Peter stressed out, pacing back and forth, and eventually pulled him down next to me and told him that we may as well make the most of the time, so he should shut up and chill with me. We both sat there and started to make jokes about everything we saw. It was New Year’s Eve. There was people everywhere. (This is before I knew how long it would have taken me to actually die from that. I thought I was done) But I wasn’t concerned about it. Finally the ambulance came and the people came out, very casually, sipping on drinks, which calmed me down even more into a real ‘who gives a fuck’ type of mind frame. Peter look shocked. He told the dude what I took, and the dude asked me how many I had taken. I told him 22 (there was two left in the 24 packet) and he said ‘what the hell did you do that for? You know 12 will kill you.’ I looked at him and started laughing. The simplicity he had in saying it given the circumstances cracked me up. He thought I was drunk out of my mind. Anyway, we all piled in and this little paramedic chick was there stripping me down and putting tubes and stick things all on me. I lied there making all the jokes I could. I was a wreck when I decided to take the pills, because of what was going on, and when I took them, but afterwards, I was fine. I thought I was going to die, and it made me feel good. This has concerned me ever since. Anyway, I was fine after that died done, for all of last year. When I came over and hurt my ankle, I was real upset, and I remember thinking about suicide again, but I wasn’t thinking about DOING it. I was just fantasizing about it. I wasn’t that bad. And once I got better, I was fine. And again seeing you, even though we fought, made everything easier for me. And then this year, EVERYTHING went down hill. Even before my arms started hurting, in April, I was already freaking out. I was thinking about suicide a lot again, but I felt that you were there for me and I knew I would see you some time so I held on. Then all of a sudden, it seemed like you weren’t there for me at all, and I tried to spill my heart out to you, but I didn’t know how to express myself, and you emailed me and told me how much you dislike me. Ever since then, things have been bad. I remember spending so long staring off my balcony at the concrete, wondering if I landed squarely on my head if I would die (I doubt it, it wasn’t very high) But still, even so, it was never so bad that I had to consciously hold myself back from doing it.

 

NEXT - DREAM'S END - IIII. - Christmas 2003  Round Lake, New York with my 98-year-old father, Sacha, wife number next and her son

Leigh Neuage webpage

Leigh Neuage first homepage which he made at age 15. 1998 This is here in memory of Leigh Neuage

Leigh Neuage on Facebook - obviously not - I made this page for him on Facebook in 2003 and for decades people have visited this/his page to comment on their love for him

 

Videos of/about Leigh Neuage

 

Leigh Neuage Memorial Sydney 2008
Leigh Neuage pitching -1 South Georgia Waves 2003 - workout one week before death

Leigh Neuage ballparks pitched in - 22 videos

Leigh Neuage memorial Christmas 2006

 

List of many webpages mostly of teams Leigh played on

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leigh Neuage webpage

Leigh Neuage ashes are 1/3 holding up my computer screen, 1/3 Sacha Neuage has on a shelf in his house in Melbourne, 1/3 his mum put in this grave in Adelaide

Plot: Native/Shrub Area E/71A
Centennial Park Cemetery
760 Goodwood Road
Pasadena
Adelaide
5042

Leigh Neuage Centennial Park Cemetery

 

Leigh Neuage

From BR Bullpen

Pitcher Leigh Neuage played in the Los Angeles Dodgers system from 2001 to 2003. He began his professional career at 17 years old

He passed away at the age of 20 after jumping 15 stories to his death from a Sydney hotel over his girlfriend leaving him.

Leigh Sebastian Kenneth Neuage

Leigh Sebastian Kenneth Neuage

  • Bats Right, Throws Right
  • Height 6' 4", Weight 210 lb.

Leigh Neuage baseball stats

 

 

About Terrell Neuage
PhD

Terrell Neuage at Kerala beach, February 2025

Terrell Neuage, (dual citizen USA/Australia) is a South Australian/New York poet, writer, and digital artist known for his evocative poetry and extensive research on conversational analysis in on-line communciations (including communication in the AI era; from sharing information to making sense of it). His best-selling autobiographies;Leaving America (Before the After) & Leaving Australia (after) – exploring life as a hippie, brother in a California Cult (Holy Order of MANS) as Brother Terrell Adsit, Astrolger (40-years) to non-believer, and adventures in Australia, single parent, tofu manufacturer/street artist, China, the USA & fifty+ other ountries. From high school drop out, Shenendehowa Central School, Clifton Park, New York at age 16, back to school at age 44 (BA & Masters from Deakin University, Melbourne, Australia) to PhD from the University of South Australia at age 58 to knocking on your door at age 77.

© 2025 Dr. Terrell Neuage, Adelaide, Australia. All rights reserved.

Contact | Resume