mind scribbles for Tuesday June 20 2000

"I believe that fate has brought us here And we should be together But we're not" macy gray "I try"

MOON: 13aquarius13 ~ SUN: 29gemini51 ~ MERCURY: 19cancer44 ~ VENUS: 2cancer27 ~ MARS: 2cancer57 ~ JUPITER: 28 taurus00 ~ SATURN : 25TAURUS32 ~ URANUS: 20aquarius33R ~ NEPTUNE: 6aquarius06R ~ PLUTO: 11sagitaruius02R ~ CHRION: 13sagitarius00R ~ CERES: 1libra04 ~ VESTA: 29capricorn38R ~ PALLAS: 28leo02 ~ JUNO: 26aquarius46 ~ CUPDIO: 3sagitaruis09 R ~ HADES: 19gemini21 ZEUS: 3libra54 ~ KRONOS: 28gemini21 APOLLON: 20libra03R ~ ADMETOS: 20taurus26

 

 

Dreams. So much is made of them. Martin Luther King had a dream, though some say it was someone else's dream and he repeated it.

Dylan sings 'I"ll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours"

Terrell writes "Pick a dream and stay awake in it". A once-were-priest from a former formal foreign Order religious group gave me grief over it. Did the religious number on it. Oh we need to be ever vigilant not living in dreams and all. Good golly, can't get away from people tyring to save me. My 95 year old father still prays for my salvation up there in Clifton Park, New York. "Hi dad!". I grew up in a missionary family. Now detest the missionary postion. Post-missionary position - that's me. We had family missionaries to China (back at the beginning of last century before they were given the boot), Cambodia, Africa, some other places. To degrest just for a second here - to make amends for what I had to put up with I kind of pitched a few suitcases of things these missionaries stored in our basebament from their 'missionary work'. Some century old robes and stuff like that. We give. They give. I got.

Now the world coughs and sputters from the love of God these missionaries spread around to the less fortuantae.

A funny side note - Uncle Joe - bless his whatever - the god he was pushing gave him cancer and he died a few years ago - but when he was alive and kicking and what they call a furlow was visiting Hawaii in 1970. I was in some crazed religious Order but never told him. He had just been in Laos or some such place converting the heathens to his take on god. I went to visit him at the hotel he was staying at. He was in a frantic missinary zeal type of mood. We met in the lobby, he was waving his bible around. He was a bit off his face - not in the mass-minded, as they say in the funny papers, type of way, but in a relgious off-his-face frenzy. It took me a while to sort out what he was on about. The upshot of it all was that he left Asia after five years of trying to convert the heathen Buddist in their shaphron robes - and he arrives in Hawaii, home of the deconstructed missinoary position, to see the Hara Krisnas at the airport and in the streets of Waikiki. He had traveled around the world to save these heathen folks only to return to the States to see them in our streets and at our airport. Here in the United States of America where god reigns supreme. I tried to explain to him that the Hara Krisna were just a trendy passing fade - a rebellion against the status guo type of thing, a new take on the Marx concept that relgion is the opiate of the people. Like the nut cases who commiit suicide when they saw the comet Hale Bopp, or the screwed up folks who do TM, and all these other trendy sick passing fades. But he did not understand. And god gave him cancer and now he is dead.

Dreams! Are we speaking of aspirations? Such as my son's baseball... or my son's piecing....? Or are we talking about the dreams we have when we sleep? The dreams we drive into town for?

Day dreams...I had a dream we were not a dream...

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I can never sleep alone again

with the dreams I have in my sleep = thought could hang onto you - below

The person I am is free to love life away

Whilst in my waking times the who I am could not have the same genetic code as

Last night was extra good

The lady in my dream said so too.

When I awoke she was still smiling then as my eyes focused to some distant phase of my being.

I walked out into the kitchen

children somewhere on the periphery of my mist ask if breakfast is ready.

I don't even know her name (orgy) and she was so good.

 Another one night stand = i'll take two

 Another dream filler come and gone = the ship through hades - below

Every night it is a different possesor

 Ladies of my night

 Women of my life

Months to years I remember them from my dreams

but nothing similar ever happens in my day.

Life can never give contentment when the night is so fulfilling.

Last night she was an oriental.

She was my first Asian lover.

After we mad love she asked me not to leave because if I did she would become danger's sister

But I did leave her and her.

Now in the kitchen I try to recall how to make a cup of coffee.

She had a perfume on (below) I had never sensed before.

Now the smell drifted through the kitchen while I tried to make a cup of coffee.

Soldiers returning from the battle-field say they can smell death before it happens

I could smell evanescent love as the sun rose

spread-eagle across morning's desires

I felt dazed again

it had happened before

Usually I'd awaken during the night

trying to recall that other world

then try to figure out how to bring it into the conscious.

Now it was well into morning

I stood still in the kitchen

My children yelling for breakfast

it was time to catch the school bus

Cartoons were menacing morning's fading breath

the dog whined for attention

I wanted to go back to the oriental lover who said she'd be in danger if I left.

A refugee trapped in my dream world.

I managed to get milk out of the refrigerator

My children needed nourishment.

I looked for breasts http://www.angelfire.com/hi/EMAIL/index.html (paddock -) which had faded with morning's shadows.

My nourishment had slipped away too, just like my motherless children's had long ago.

I gave them milk and ceral

saw them out the door

watched them catch the Port Elliot school bus.

I yelled.

Children's paraphernalia lay about like the end of every battle.

And as I moved about collecting pajamas, comics, lego, and G.G. Joes I quietly closed my eyes and slipped back into my lover's arms.

 

Dreams of one with conjunct Saturn/Pluto (exact to the minute) and Sun all in Leo whilst semi-squaring Uranus/Mars in Gemini (in 8th), square Jupiter (in Scorpio in first) and ruling Libra ascendant and Taurus Moon with Neptune, ruling fifth in the 12th.

 

We spun the wheel for how long we would have each other

I wanted one driven night

you as dinner and dessert

Memories for ever more

you wanted the morning after too

Me for breakfast Maybe even brunch

Or add a day give a night or two

We watched the wheel spinning dizzily

as we were

Merging lust with only a moment to go

The ship we sailed upon

listed in her night's passions

The roulette wheel fell into the sea

with us wanting only more

11-91 Victor Harbor South Australia

I thought I could hang onto you

You changed forms

physical to non and not back again

until my dreams

then you appear dancing my night away

with wakefulness

though I know you are there:

The shadow in my shower

(could you wash my back again)

A whisper when I write

(why guide me only when I write of you)

The scent of love when I come

(why couldn't it be your body receiving me)

Then there you are in my dreams

We are running through the forest to the sea

We changed to clouds

We change to cheetahs in heat

(I like that the best)

We change through history

Until I awake

then I can not change to be free

like I am when I am with you

in my dreams.

1-1-94 Victor Harbor SA

I could tell by the way she boarded the ship

open blouse

skirt lifting in the breeze

that she joined this voyage

for more than an escape from land

as the waves rocked the ship

and a full moon peeked from behind a lonely cloud

a voyeur moon in Leo

we exploded in rhythm to the crashing waves

but one wasn't enough

Like waves upon the bow she took on each lost man

she could land at sea

While I conspired with the moon

on how to have her once again

and I did

disguised as another myth.

5-11-94 Victor Harbor SA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

there was a point to this at the beginning but I forget what it was.

Sorry.

Deconstructin' with ya next week...

thanks to macy gray for background music which made me forget why I dream

but 'I try' 'Still' come back - we need to escape Adelaide.