This
week’s poem (Friday, February 23, 2001) of the week is HERE
NEXT/PREVIOUS/ALL HOME
sorry Kris I never knew this would be like this (now I am off to China for two years after living in New York for nine years and the last time I saw you in Australia was morre than a decade ago - who would have guessed?)
So far away
So late
No way to return
Hastened escape
beyond
We never said goodbye
There was no kiss goodbye
Never slammed the door goodbye
Wasn’t any ‘I don’t want to see you again’
Or break up
(your last whisper as we sat at the shore where
we had met years earlier were
‘I love you
I
don’t want to break up
I
just need some space’
November 15, 2000 as the Sun slipped into the
sea and we passed out of one another’s life)
We just faded
You in the distance
Me even further
I thought I would see you in a few days
Then I realized I was the only one waiting for
us
These months just went by
You in your neighboring suburb
Me lost in space
And though
I can never go back to us
Because we no longer exist
At least I know now
(Now so long
too late so faraway too much has happened
since we last kissed)
That for one short span of time I did love once
fully
That I will love you forever in my distant
silence and faded shadow’s memories
And maybe in some future existence
Some distant place in space
Far beyond earthly logic
We will merge once again
And recall the short rapid magical years
We spent on earth together
In this lonely imprisoned solar system
And our laughter – it will echo through
galaxies
Past many Big Banged created Universes and
other limited time frames
Whilst a spark of our once shared love
Fills a void
In the fold of time to become a lone star
A pulsar so distant only we will know we exist
Wandering
Through eternity
Universe to universe
Happy
Like we would have been
If only we knew how to stay together whilst in
this life.
So goodbye Kris (Kris,
Kris, Kris, Kris)
This is my closure for a love that I could no
longer hold on to
Closure because we never broke up or said
goodbye but we just vanished
I can only say goodbye to you in my memory.
Thursday, February 22, 2001 17:42:58
(Was
it Transit Uranus conjunct your Venus, opposite my Sun: T. Pluto square your
Saturn: T. Saturn conjunct both our Moons: Solar Progressed Uranus conjunct my
Sun or some remote midpoint being set off or did we just get to the end of our
learning together? Did an asteroid hack into our composite chart or did the
last solar eclipse demolish our First Meeting Chart. If so why do I still feel
after all these months that a part of my body has been amputated?)
Maybe we both just wanted too much from each
other and then ended up with nothing – how does that happen?
Sometimes I catch myself staring and don’t know
at what or why… then I see you and everything just ends. Like a dying decayed dwarf star.
Just thought I would say that….
Thanks for being the source of so many picture poems
and poems of the week
At least I got something out of the past years
to hold onto. Sometimes I look through
notebooks – at the 2000 plus poems I wrote you our first three-years together
and wonder if I will ever be so obsessive again. If I will ever be so creative, laugh so much, love so freely,
feel so fulfilled, dream so easy…
And we met with you reading my picture-poems
whilst they were on display in Glenelg January First 1995 and here I am saying
goodbye to you. You who hates the Internet and would never read this anyway on
the Internet at the beginning of 2001.
Then again maybe I am just missing the us
because my life has changed so much in the past couple of months I hardly
recognize myself and I am a bit wobbly going into my newness – I feel as if I
have just arrived on a distant planet with nothing as I once knew it and it
would be so nice to take comfort in the once security I knew with you, but then
I wouldn’t change would I? And it is important though not easy to embark on a
life where nothing is familiar – I am but an insecure explorer standing at the
Arctic Circle in so much ice and cold. I wonder if six years from now we will
meet and I will say the past six years were shit compared to the previous six
years. But then I no longer will be me in six years so you wouldn’t recognize
me anyway giving nothing to compare to. Just as when I first made contact with
you on New Year’s Day as the last rays of the day shown on my picture-poems I
knew my life had changed I now know with the last contact I had with you on
that Wednesday evening my life once again has changed. And 35 years of
astrological knowledge cannot explain to me what happened.
Aloha friend lover all the world to me.
Thank you for all you have given to me. I do
realize you were the one who kept us together through so much difficulty and I
just went abstract so much of the time and I understand you no longer had the
strength/resolve/will to keep me from falling off the edge. Though in my
defense these have been remarkable years on this planet as we too got caught up
in the delusions of a world stumbling from what they perceived as one
millennium to the next though between you and me we just stumbled – the only
difference between this millennium and the last is that I am without you. And
my problem is that even though I am no longer me the new me still loves the old
you – not that you are old. ‘NEW SITE = JULY 2014 - http://neuage.us/2014/July/ - Today is the first day of the rest of my life
without you’ what a terrible thought.
Why is it
When I
dance
On your
Roof
At midnight
You have
dreams
That
We are
Making love
In the
rain?
© Terrell
Neuage 1997 Adelaide SA
Return to trip(s) 2008, 2009, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2010, 2004, 2003, 2002
Travel PHOTOS 2009: India, Holland (Utrecht), Germany, Shanghai (summer 09 / January 09), Australia (Orroroo, Lochiel Park cement pouring) Saratoga New York Winter,
Travel PHOTOS 2009: India, Holland (Utrecht), Germany, Shanghai (summer 09 / January 09), Australia (Orroroo, Lochiel Park cement pouring) Saratoga New York Winter,
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